nothing will bring me back to you again

Hiiiii... what's up people?
it's such a tiring and boring day for me.
why?
soooo,
it's just because I saw wira all day and he tried to avoid to meet me. like, he turned away when he saw me walking on the way and yeah just so on..
that even sucked the hell outa' me ya know, but I also still suck when I get to see him. like, I guess, I haven't forgotten that problem yet.. lol.
idk.

and I was just told by his friend, that, he's lied to me.
about our saturday case, actually, he didn't even told any of his friends but her, but he told me, that he also sent it to his other friends. how sucks!
ya know, it actually doesn't matter to whom he was gonna sent the poem but the problem is that he uses my poem. and well, anyone in this world if they had a poem, okay, for exmaple, if there was an artist of painting and one day he painted a painting and gave it a s a gift for somebody else. but the receiver gave it to someone else and said if that painting was made by him.
alright, like, were you gonna be just okay knowing your thing was 'stolen' by someone you were inlove with?
okay, it's just..BAD!

but forget about him, I mean, it was my past, but not already becoming a past story..
though..lol

but ya know, I still love him and there is no way to forget him. but only one way to start over everything, quitting Osis.
but, it was my promise to him that I would never leave Osis. but, he already has broken his to me. so, I was gonna break mine too but, just how?
I mean, it's kinda difficult quitting Osis.
and, I wanted to leave because I wanted him to hate me and that was lame actually though lol.
even though that I also has promised someone that I would never leave because of him and so I just want to stick with that. with my promise of course.
well,
this week has been rough and yeah I am still alive this minute.
yeah I am yay! THANK GOD!

wellll,
but another happy news is now in too, like,
I talk back with this new cute guy lol, and also he commented my photo. he also liked it :).
it's been pretty nice talking with him, he is a nice guy ya know and I quite like him but, lol, nah, he is 4 years older than me. not a very big deal hahahhaha. but, yeah,,, just like him.

okay, I will have the first semester exam next week and that's quite crazy remembering I've been attending this school feels like just yesterday.
why does time go so fast?
but, I still hope for the best for my exam results.
so that I really have to study prety pretty hard :).
I can do it and you can too!
:)

alright, see ya people!
bye!
xoxo

New Moon

yay!
finally I've watched New Moon.
and it was pretty aweeeesooomeeeee! and also kinda a bit saddening. becasue I cried ya know lol.
but overall this movie is pretty great. and amazingly I could clearly feel what these 3 cmain characters felt like, I could feel what Jacob felt. being deeply inlove with someone and able to be close with her.
I just experienced it.
I know how it feels.
just somehow it's always nice being with him. all you can think of is only him. the best moments of your life are when you were spending times with him.
okay like this..

First, I was Jacob.

He used to be the one who was closest than no one to me.
He was warm and pretty good. I loved him so much until I all could see in him was all the beauty things. Now it's just a blur.
He's never loved me. But he's praised me a lot and always made me feel like I was the one. He was funny begging me things. He, was just like a sort of boyfriend?. I don't know.
But only one thing that matters, he doesn't love me. Doesn't love me at all. And he won't pick me in the end. Maybe I was just an escape while the others ran away from him.
Well, that was nice but the nicest nightmare of mine.

And then, I became Bella.

I've got this hole on my chest. A little hole that was getting bigger and still is, everytime the thoughts of you crosses my mind. I sometimes feel like you're here by my side but it actually is no one's been by my side.
This big sick bitchy hole has got to be healed soon but who will heal?
Maybe I'll need more than 4 months or could be a year or years.
I love him so much and that's why everything that I do can never make sense but it's nice. Because of one thing, I'm simply and deeply inlove with him. And started with that is non sense at all.

It's hard when the next thing is I am Edward.
The hardest part of my life is leaving him. And even though an only thing that hurts me but I always want to be with him. But,
I have broken up with him. I broke up everything.
I'll be no friend for him anymore because it's time to leave.
I don't ever want this to happen but it's actually supposed to. And,
never thought before living without you.
That's insane.
I don't want it.
And this is strange that sometimes I feel I don't deserve to be with ya. Because I'm bad. And I want you to hate me. So you'll stay away.
I'm trying to make him feel like I'm never existed.
I throw all of our things away.
And make myself sure that I can still hold on without you though this could just kill me...

So, it is not a match-up. But when I read New Moon, I felt in that way. I knew how it was like being all of em. overall, everything always hurt but deep inside that I'm always hoping the best for the ending. though I can't just figure it out through my mind.ha!.
kinda dramatic but I hope this will bring you such an influence yeahh.. such.

bye y'all..!